I, a prisoner for the Lord,
urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received…
To live in a manner worthy of the call you have received…
As Paul read this passage aloud this morning, my heart stopped. Am I truly living in a manner worthy of the call that I have received? I knew the answer even before I gave it. No.
Every so often, a line in a daily reading echoes through my whole being and does in me the work it is meant to do… As the rain and the snow… do not return… till they have watered the earth… so shall my word be that goes forth from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but shall do what pleases me… (Is 55:10-11).
Last night at mass I felt quite unworthy and somewhat ‘removed’. The sermon was wonderful (oh, to hear a priest talk about poverty, homelessness, gay equality…). The activities of the parish are inspiring. Still my attention was somewhere else.
This morning’s reading realigned my time, interests, dreams, hopes, and velleities… Suddenly, Godde feels back in my life again. Her love is there; this very special attention, as if her eyes were on me, looking at me with kindness. The longing to do better, more… Magis, our friend Luís would say.
In recent months, I have taken a vacation from life. j’étais aux abonnés absents, disconnected from much of what my life used to be. A new passion has entered my life, a disordered affection of sorts. A Korean drama on Netflix introduced me several months ago to another world, country, language, history, lifestyle — and I fell in love with it. It has opened up a new window in my mind. I love it so much that I have dropped most other things. Hence the rub.
This new love has triggered me into looking at the other loves Life has brought me over the years. It started with the English language when I was twelve and spent three weeks in England. I returned many times. I worked in English, fell in love with an American in Geneva, and discovered the Anglo-Saxon world. Then came Spanish (Peru) , Hinduism (India), Catholicism (Cursillo and RCIA), Ignatian spirituality (our Jesuit friend Louis, CVX/PR, Manresa), and now K-drama.
I do not know where this new love will take me, but I trust it will take me somewhere, as every other passion has. I am learning Korean very slowly, reading about Korean society, following the news, and enjoying Hallyu (Korean pop culture). I don’t think I have had that much fun in years. I have no friends and relatives with whom I can share this passion, but I have such a grand time with it that it does not really matter. The only impact I have had on my family is that now we exclaim ‘Fighting!’ when we want to encourage each other (one of the few Korean words I can understand).
The letter to the Ephesians this morning came attached to the reality check which I face every day as I come across so many homeless on the streets of Manhattan (where we now spend some of our time). I know that I cannot let my life be consumed with this love which has come to brighten my final years. The time to end my vacation from life is here. Like every vacation, I come home with new ideas, new projects, ready to go back to be more present to those extraordinary gifts which Godde showers upon me and to which I want to respond.
It is time to go back to living more in a manner worthy of the call I have received.
Photo: Gian Ehrenzeller/EPA, photojournalismus.tumblr.com