“When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you…” Mt 6:5-6
We hope we do good things because they come from the heart. The heart is my secret place out of which I act. This is where that Godde sees me. How does this make me feel? Pray As You Go, 18 June 2014
I like to receive my favorite blogs’ latest posts in my inbox. One such blog is Andy Otto’s God In All Things. These past weeks he has been presenting “Desires of the Heart, a 10-week series on Ignatian spirituality and prayer”. In Week 5, he introduced the Colloquy, and he gave the link to the website Pray As You Go (see the link above), “produced by Jesuit Media Initiatives, with material written by a number of Jesuits, both in Britain and further afield.”
I had heard of PAYG before but never had taken the time to check it. The Monday I received Andy’s post, I clicked on the link; I listened and I got hooked. Most days now, I take the time to listen to what has been prepared for the day. The moments of ‘colloquy’, that intimate chat between Godde and the one who prays, which every day are part of the podcast, usually turn out for me to be a very special time with Godde. It’s not very long, but often very intense.
This was the case yesterday. To be honest, the Gospel passage did not stir much in me when my husband and I read it and prayed it with our first coffee that morning. I am quite familiar with it and no great insight came to me then. Later in the day, I went to my room, sat in my chair facing the window, put on my earphones and started to listen to the podcast. The hymn chosen, Here I Am Lord (I come to do your will, Here I am Lord, In your presence I am still), was beautiful and quite moving. After the Gospel passage, a man’s voice started reading the reflection given above. What he said hit me straight in the heart and brought tears to my eyes.
Of course, Godde sees my heart. Within an instant, I realized that I had no fear to have of Godde’s judgment, because somehow I know that I have an honest heart. My heart says the whole truth about who I truly am. Thus, for one brief moment, thanks to my heart, I experienced Godde’s unconditional love and acceptance of who I am.
Yesterday, and since then, I have been able to connect with a part of myself which somehow had been unknown to me. A soft, gentle, and vulnerable part. I am not quite sure yet how I can line up the rest of my being on it, and I expect to work on this in the weeks to come. Still, what a treat.
So, if you are not reading Andy Otto’s blog yet and if you have never listened to Pray As You Go, you may wish to click on the links and see for yourself.
Art: Découpages traditionnels du Pays-d’enHaut, Chateau d’Oex, Switzerland