It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you
and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain…

Jn 15:9-17

I feel awed every time I read these lines. I can hear Jesus say this, to me. I feel commissioned, blessed, chosen. Godde creates me, Jesus chooses me, and His Spirit accompanies me.

Lectio Divina… Divine reading. Divine because words that were written long long ago take on a life of their own and reach me, touch me, inspire me, carry me.

The thrill of standing in front of the Risen One. This amused smile of his, amused by my emotion at being found acceptable, eligible, lovable, trustworthy. His hand stretches out to me; my hand goes toward his; his eyes embrace mine.

It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you…

You find me worthy? How can this be? 

His love opens a small crack in the jammed door to my uncertain heart. It awakens this heart, asleep for so long, unwilling to experience pain, so afraid to feel…

If you love me, then it’s OK for me to love myself. But how do I do that?

I appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain

Bearing fruit. It is never too late, is it? To love those around me as you love me. To be present to them as you are to me. To share their joys and sorrows as you share mine.

Comes a point when words come in the way. It is so much nicer to stay here in your presence, in silence, and open my whole self to welcoming your love, in awe, gratitude, and reverence.

 

Art: Samaritan woman at Fayum

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