[This was first posted at Abbey of the Arts]
“Not all are called to be artists in the specific sense of the term. Yet, as Genesis has it, all men and women are entrusted with the task of crafting their own life: In a certain sense, they are to make of it a work of art, a masterpiece.”
John Paul II, Letter to Artists
We are born to create and give life, literally and figuratively. As Godde’s creatures, we are made in Her image and thus are creators as well. We are also her temple (1 Co 3:16) and her work of art (Eph 2:10). Monks in the world and artists crafting our own life.
I am as much an artist as I think I am: Just like in the story of the woman coming across someone who was laying bricks, another who was raising a wall, and the third building a cathedral. Which one of the three am I? What am I creating with my life?
“We are spiritual beings having a human experience,” wrote Teilhard de Chardin. Like the god Indra who, to have fun, became a pig and then promptly forgot who he truly was until his spell was broken, we forget that we are not only “made from cosmic dust birthed in the interior of ancient stars that long predated our planet and solar system” (Sr Ilia Delio, The Emergent Christ); we also bear a divine seal imprinted on our heart and soul.
I have lived most of my life, however, without seeing myself as a temple and a work of art. For a long time, I did not know what to make out of my life. I was a spiritual seeker, looking for the Divine in Hinduism, Zen Buddhism. My own Catholicism seemed unable to answer my questions.
If I look back over my life, I see a tapestry made up of spiritual and human threads, with spiritual moments wowing the human side of me. Every time I revisit my life, I find new moments when the divine came to surprise me. Still, it takes me a long time to recognize that this continuous thread of divine light throughout my life is what sustains it.
I remember first encountering the divine when I was four or five. My parents wanted me to be taught catechism as soon as possible. Once a week, I visited a tall priest in a long black cassock who introduced me to matters of Godde. In the evenings, my father took me on his lap and read me Bible stories. The day of my first Communion I walked, so small and all in white, to the altar railing to receive my very first Eucharist. A sea of legs opened in front of me and I reached an altar glowing in a cloud of golden light which enchants me to this day.
Some years later, on an Easter morning, coming out of the church with my grandfather, I exclaimed to him that my heart felt so light and happy, it was as if I were floating above the ground. These things happen, my grandfather told me with a smile
It seemed then that my spiritual life had started on the right foot and that I was heading somewhere. But then came a long detour, a sort of getting lost in the woods of life. A confession in an antique cathedral at twenty filled a priest with wonder — a conversion, he kept exclaiming. Still, I had truly lost my way.
Years passed. I met a wonderful man, we got married, we had two little girls. Unaware of whom I truly was, my humanity blinded the spiritual me. One evening though, at thirty, I experienced the Divine in such a powerful manner that it launched me on a quest to recover that brief encounter. Looking into my own Catholic tradition for an explanation never crossed my mind. It was linked to my childhood and early teens and did not feel up to the task. So, Hinduism, Tibetan and Zen Buddhism became lands of exploration.
In my early 40s I returned to my religious origins thanks to a young Brahmin woman who passed on to me the fire for Jesus Christ that filled her heart. This and encountering Jesus in the slums of Madras showed me — at last — where my path was. Those six weeks spent studying women’s leadership in the slums were a turning point for me. How odd that it is India itself, where I had followed a Vedic master and attended teachings by the Dalai Lama, which pointed me back to my Catholic roots.
After more than twenty years of spiritual wandering, I came upon a spiritual path which I have been following ever since. Cursillo, Joan Chittister’s The Rule of Benedict, theological studies, Ignatian Spirituality, walking the Camino, and Christine Valters Paintner’s many courses and books, all came to me and added fuel to this strange spiritual hodgepodge which I am today.
Now I have reached the Crone age, with aches and pains kneaded into my daily life, and somehow my spirit soaring above them (most of the time). I connect to the Divine through loving my family, talking with friends, writing my blog, praying, cooking, spending more and more time in silence, walking, enjoying Nature’s beauty: All this turns into a musical leitmotiv my life keeps humming.
Godde’s fire burns in my heart, a fire which may some day reveal to the spiritual me the meaning of this human experience. After all, I may just be a heartbeat in the vastness of the Cosmos, a wisp of a thought, a sigh of wonder, a longing for union, a fleeting smile on Godde’s face, a dream conjuring up a sanctuary deep within the ground of my being, a sanctuary longing to greet me, to welcome me at last.
Photo: Sufi Dancer (photo can be found here)
Claire, thank you for sharing your story. Your journey is very inspiring. Although I do not have your life experiences nor have I traveled the world like you, I feel I relate to your story. Forgive me if I share a bit of my own journey that is from an excerpt that I am working on writing for my blog.
I grew up Catholic and recall a few very special experiences. When I was 11, I recall at the end of an Easter Vigil I had an overwhelming sense of peace and serenity come over me that I felt like I was floating above my body. It was not quite an out of body experiences but it was similar to various flying dreams that I have had over the years.
During my college years, I largely drifted away from any organized religion, despite attending a Jesuit university. That was due to my will, not the Jesuits, but I had met some great Jesuits that the seed was planted even it would not sprout for 20+ years.
During my 20s, I was extremely focused on myself and my career. I was immersed in the Western idea of success, with career and financial security. I got married to a wonderful woman but this period was mostly about me. Eventually in my late-30s, after having two wonderful boys, I went back to a search for spirituality.
Interestingly, I went through Buddhism to get back to Christianity. I live in a unique area. I live in the U.S., int he country near a mid-size city in the Midwest, but there are two Buddhist temples (one Tibetian and one Cambodian) within walking distance (less than three miles) from our house, closer than any Christian church. I frequently see Buddhist monks when I go on weekend runs. The perceived impersonalism of Buddhism troubled me but this path led me to Anthony de Mello, S.J., William Johnston, S.J. and through my work (definitely the work of the Spirit!), another S.J. (note the pattern here!) who was a former Buddhist monk. Eventually, I discovered James Martin, S.J., Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, S.J. and (breaking the S.J. mold) the early writings of a brilliant Vatican II theologian, Joseph Ratzinger (who I maintain is extremely misunderstood and misinterpreted due to his role as CDF and the conservatism of John Paul II).
Eventually, I emptied the cup of my opinions and started looking at the moon rather than the fingers (to use a couple of Buddhist metaphors) and had a series of overwhelming experiences that while I am hesitant to call them mystical, can only be encounters with the Divine. I am only in my mid-40s and I have not had a deep experiences for a while, I am at peace. I have a deep craving for the experiences but am OK with a period of dryness.
Thank you again for sharing your story and for indulging me.
Peace,
W. Ockham
Oh, what a treat to read your story here! Thank you for sharing it. I am not quite sure how to express my happiness at reading about your journey.
Within walking distance of two Buddhist monasteries, wow…
An Australian Jesuit introduced me to Anthony de Mello in India. I have never read anything by William Johnston… And you’re ahead of me with Josef Ratzinger, for the reasons you gave…
I was going to say that spiritual journeys are the most exciting thing which can happen in life… Maybe I’m overstating it. Still, they are really out of this world — so often.
Again, thank you for sharing some of yours here. I look forward to reading your upcoming post 🙂
Claire, thank you for sharing your spiritual journey as I found it very inspiring. You have been blessed to travel the world and meet others with different spiritualities who have each given you something that has become your own.
William’s journey is also interesting and a bit more like my own. While I didn’t leave the Christian church, I was involved for different reasons with a variety of denominations until the Lord led me to the Roman Catholic expression of the Christian faith. It has been a marvellous journey and the Lord speaks to each of us in different ways. I am extremely grateful that, at a very low time in my life, God led me to the RCC as there were some pieces missing and I have found them. I am also involved with a Jesuit community as I study at Regis College and volunteer at a Jesuit Spiritual Renewal Centre and have found Ignatian Spirituality which speaks to me very deeply.
It is interesting to me that we, who have been on many different paths, have found each other on the internet. This speaks to me of Teilhard’s “noosphere” and I find that his thinking is part of the missing puzzle pieces for me.
Thanks again for sharing this beautiful journey. Blessings.
Yes, Linda, each journey is precious and, as you say so well, The Lord speaks to us in different ways.
Teilhard’s noosphere does indeed explain very much how we encounter each other here. A spiritual friend told me once that I would find a spiritual community. I had just never imagined it would be on Internet.
Blessings as well.