… I found God in myself
And
I loved her
I loved her fiercely
Ntozake Shange
[the whole poem can be found here]
When the recent interview of the Pope by La Civiltà Cattolica came out in America Magazine, my feminist friends were more disappointed than I was. I thought then of writing a post entitled, “I’m no longer the feminist I used to be.”
Then I reviewed the reasons I have to be a feminist: The news of any woman being raped, beaten, or abused in any way brings me to my knees. I cannot bear wage inequality; or the fact that unborn children are protected but nothing is done for them once born. Finally, I just know that some women are called to the priesthood. So, I still call God Godde.
Several years before I started blogging, I worked on a publication entitled, Gender: A Partnership of Equals. In those days, John Paul II was alive and relatively well; and Cardinal Ratzinger would publish his Letter to the bishops of the Catholic Church on the collaboration of men and women in the Church and in the world, which at the time did, and does today still, make me very angry.
At the time of the book on Gender, I imagined parity among bishops in the Catholic Church (equal participation of women and men) and I already fantasized a pink smoke wafting joyfully above the Vatican.
Time passed. I left my beloved job and found myself with time on my hands. I created a website to give vent to my feminist dreams and frustrations. I longed for a Church welcoming everyone and inviting back those pushed at the margins.
It is then that I adopted the word Godde for God, as a sign of rebellion, dissent, sorrow, and despair. I was, and am, a puny voice in our vast cyber-world. It is my way of communicating with the One who is just and compassionate. A way that may seem childish, silly, and disrespectful to some.
My encounter with Godde was life-changing. I experienced Her while walking my first Camino in 2005. Godde’s presence was everywhere and in everyone. More than that, I found Her in myself and “I loved, and still love her, fiercely,” surely not as fiercely as She loves me.
Godde indeed loves her daughters, made in Her image, and hears their cries for justice. I ’knew’ that the Spirit was going to clean out the Church of all injustice, an injustice growing ever more obvious and less acceptable.
With the Church hierarchy pushing so many of us at the margins and beyond, Godde was in fact walking out with us. It would have felt comforting to be included in the Church, of course. When the inclusion, however, required a profound negation of oneself, one was better off, and safer, left out in the cold.
Comes Pope Francis. The wave of optimism carried me on its crest and I loved it. Here was someone caring for the poor, warning the rich, looking out for those at the margins, seemingly welcoming the LGBT community, inviting the divorced back… If the Holy Spirit can bring this about, She can also change the status of women in the Church for the better. All this seems even more possible now after the revelation of the omission in America Magazine’s translation of the interview with the Pope.
Why stay with the word Godde then? Godde is beyond gender, right? She is neither male nor female. For me, however, over the centuries Godde being male has become the norm, bringing much injustice for women in its wake, both within and without the Church. Until this situation changes, Godde She will stay for me, as a reminder of all that remains to be achieved.
Art: God’s Ecstasy, Ansgar Holmberg, CSJ
A Seat At The Table 
Claire, thank you for your thought-full, sensitive, heart-felt posting. As a member of Monasteries of the Heart, I recently encountered what I experienced as a “knee-jerk” reaction of disappointment to Pope Francis, because he has not specifically endorsed women priests. Your own appreciation of Jesuit discernment has affected me, and I read the America interview with a greater depth of understanding than I might have otherwise.
As I wrote on MOH, Pope Francis’ methodology of thought, regarding any issue, is highly process oriented. And I see that his process has and will lead us in ways we have not even imagined with regard to women. I perceive Pope Francis to be a human being following the leading of the Holy Spirit when it comes to “making all things new”.
Many of us women react negatively because we have been disappointed and hurt so very often. We need to protect ourselves. Also some of us are more angry and bitter than others — with reasons (reasons I do not really know, but which I can imagine).
This is why after the long interview, which was a really coup for the Jesuit magazines, there was a disappointment among some of us and also the fear that Francis just abides by his predecessors’ line of thoughts while using different words.
Like you, I believe that everything is possible and that Francis may find it beneficial to the Church to change course of action in regard to women (and other groups).
We have to wait and see and pray — pray for him to stay alive — because unlike Richard Rohr, I do believe that things can go back the way they were, swiftly, if Pope Francis happens to disappear.
Blessings, Roberta 🙂
Claire, thank you for sharing. Your 2005 experience sounds marvelous.
I am likely not qualified to add anything of substance here but I will post the patience prayer of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (below), which I keep on my refrigerator as I need frequent reminders to trust in God:
“Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new. And yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability – and that it may take a very long time.
* * *
Give our Lord the benefit of believing that his hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.”
Peace,
W. Ockham
Ah, every Camino is a fabulous experience. I found that every year was getting better, even when my body broke down.
As to patience, when I was working for the Gender Bureau, I came across a projection regarding wage differences between women and men. It said that it would take 475 years for women’s wages to equal men’s wages. As you can easily imagine, we’ll need patience in that area.
But Godde has Her own time. So it may take 500 years for women to become priests or 5. It’s not for me to know.
Teilhard never saw his theories receiving any acclaim from his hierarchy in his lifetime. So I’ll gladly follow in his footsteps, especially if it can be in his company.
Many, many thanks for the prayer 🙂
Claire, the artwork you chose for this post is absolutely beautiful and expresses the joy in my heart with respect to the relationship that we are privileged to have with God or Godde as I think of our Creator as being beyond gender. I also appreciate what you have shared in this post. I also feel optimistic but I know the future is in God’s hands and that God loves God’s people beyond measure. I pray that Pope Francis will be allowed to complete whatever God is calling him to do. Blessings to you.
Lynda, if you google Ansgar Holmberg, CSJ, you will discover many more of her works. I also particularly like the Banquet 🙂 You might want to google Mary Southard, CSJ as well, another great artist.
Yes, let us pray that Pope Francis can complete the work he is called to do.
Thank you for your comment 🙂