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This morning as I closed my prayer, some sunlight pierced through the shutter and transported me to the Monastery of Monts-Voirons where I heard myself ask Godde, “What would you like me to do, Godde?”
It was a true question. Is it praying for others, writing a blog, accompanying souls searching for a solution, gardening, just being? There is both pathos and angst in the question. Frittering my life away is a scary thought. I have received so much, how can I respond in kind? Godde always gives me more than I ask for… I cannot say that guilt takes over, but at least I feel a general uneasiness at not being hard at work somewhere helping Godde both being born and creating her Kingdom…
Paul and I met in the kitchen, went through the readings and started sharing what we had seen in today’s passage. “You may not be able to serve the LORD, for he is a holy God” was my favorite part in Joshua (24:14-19). Yes, Godde is so very holy and awesome, how can I hope serving Her?
I listened to Paul talking about life as a pilgrimage and prayer. For once, I listened without interrupting, without telling my own ideas on the topic. In the course of our conversation, however, I suddenly sensed that Godde was with me in the cloud of unknowing. Waiting there is part of my own self-emptying somehow. Godde is with me, — consolation within desolation.
Suddenly, then, my not knowing what Godde wants from me does not matter, because Godde is with me in the waiting, in the not knowing.
Being lost in the cloud of unknowing suddenly is a grace, because Godde is there with me. Not-doing somehow is all I am asked to do for the time being.
In Her name.
Photo: Clouds in viejo San Juan.
Thank you Claire…this hit home this morning.
Suddenly, then, my not knowing what Godde wants from me does not matter, because Godde is with me in the waiting, in the not knowing.
We are one in more ways than one, Jean 🙂
Thank you so much for this, Claire. The space I am living in these days contains so much unknowing. I wonder if we are all collectively in this space in one way or another. We are finding our way into …… And there exactly is the unknowing. And Godde is with us there/here in the unknowing. It is a holy space also and to be honored as such. Abrazos, Sonia
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We may all well be in this same space, prepared for what’s to come 🙂
Yes, in the time of unknowing we are to wait and be present to whatever and whomever God sends our way. I desire so much to be used by God and yet I know that activity is not the only way that God uses us. God desires us just to be present with God in the stillness sometimes – that is very difficult for some of us who want to “do” for God. The great consolation is knowing that God is with us in the unknowing as you so beautifully expressed it. Thank you so very much.
Maybe Godde uses us in ways which we can’t imagine, as you suggest so well, Lynda. Thank you!
I love Joshua 24. Most Protestants don’t “stick to the script” except at Advent, Lent, and Pentecost, but I went to morning Mass on Friday and was happy to find that as our reading.
Calvin’s perspective, which I find echoed somewhat in Ignatius of Loyola as well, is that it doesn’t really particularly matter exactly how you serve God, just that you consecrate whatever you do to serving God. All work is the Lord’s work if you dedicate and consecrate yourself to God.
One of my favorite examples of this is Brother Lawrence.
On the flip-side, I know many (generally Pentecostals) who spend their lives just waiting for a sign from God, a prophetic message, about what exactly they are supposed to be doing…and waste their entire lives in the process. 😦
Thank you for channelling Brother Lawrence and Jean Pierre de Caussade to me, Val. And blessings for it. It lightened up my day and showed me the way.
Thank you also for mentioning Calving and Pentecostals, of whom I know so very little.